I'm Back

...Or How I Left My Heart in Washington state.

I've been back in Texas for a little more than 24 hours. I have to admit, it's probably the first time in my life I've been disappointed to be back in my home state. I had such an amazing time in Washington state. Everyday was an adventure for me. Something epic happened everyday for me. I explored a good portion of the state in those almost three weeks. I had a plan of what I wanted to do during my trip, then I planned out specifically what I wanted to do each day. Today, I sat on the couch and did nothing. It was just very anti-climactic. I realize that vacation is always going to be more exciting than your every day life, but I think that my disappointment is more than normal because the disparity between my vacation and real life (before I left for tour) is greater than average.

So why am I writing all of this? I'm working on increasing my happiness quotient. What is that? To be honest, I have no idea but it sounds good. Right now, I am not unhappy. I was definitely unhappy and possibly more than likely was depressed. The past two and a half months have really helped turn things around. It's made me more aware of what I want and don't want, what I need and don't need and what makes me happy. Back to my happiness quotient. The last definition of quotient from Merriam-Webster is "the magnitude of a specified characteristic or quality." Magnitude. Exactly. I want my life to be so filled with happiness that it needs to be spoken of in terms of magnitude. Such heavy weight with that word. Anyways, I think that there's a little something that can be done everyday to add happiness to my life. Even if it's just something little, there's always ways to enjoy life a little more.

I think one of the most important things I discovered in Washington is that happiness is active, it is not passive. It's not going to find you sitting on a couch. It's outside your front door. You have to go find it. But I don't mean find it like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Have you ever literally tried to find the end of the rainbow? Let me tell you, I have. It doesn't work. Because of some scientific notion (that I'm sure Kristen can explain), you'll never reach the end of the rainbow, it always keeps moving. But happiness is tangible (in a non-tangible way, if you're still following that). It can be reached. It does have a definite place in the world. Even if your personal happiness is walking outside the door and listening to the bluebird singing, it's there. It's not going to keep moving away from you at all times. It IS attainable.

So one of my new goals is to treat my "real life" in Texas as vacation life in Washington. I've realized that I need to go and explore and see and, as surprising as this is, be outside. I never thought I was an outside person. My mother tried to make me do stuff outside all the time and I thought of every excuse in the book possible to avoid. But here I am, realizing I thrive on doing activities outdoors. Who knew?! I'm going to start paying attention to the daily calendar in my newspaper and take advantage of local events. I've probably done more things in Washington state than I have in Texas. I need to read local guides and check out activities on yelp and own this state! I'm hypothesizing that a combination of getting out and exploring along with my new outlook AND a change in some other outside factors, that my daily happiness quotient will be on the rise.

Disclaimer: Once again, thank you for letting me share with you and ramble on. I'm warning you that for a while, I'll probably be updating about my life and how I'm trying to turn it around. I can't promise that I'll always be grammatically correct or that I won't have run-on sentences or that I won't skip around on topics. I'm trying to write it all out as it comes to me and not go back and edit and proofread it, so you (and I when I go back and read this) get the real deal.

Addendum...

I get these cheesy motivational, uplifting emails from "The Universe" everyday. This is the first one I've read in a while. I guess I was too unhappy to even look at positive things. Anywho, this is the one that JUST arrived in my inbox:

Of course there are exceptions, but all-in-all it seems to me that those who are religious, cling, whereas those who are spiritual, seek.

But to be really honest, Amanda, it's the happy folks who know how to live.

Grins,
The Universe

The last line seems to go perfectly with my post! Love the reaffirmation!

Mile Marker One

I know I haven't been updating as much as I had said I would, but I've been keeping a journal as well as gluing little keepsakes in it as well. So I'll probably post that or maybe snippits when I get back. So to update you, I'm having the most amazing time of my life. In fact, I think I've enjoyed it more than any vacation I've ever taken, including all the times I've been to New York. Today I planned a hike to see Wallace Falls. I thought some exercise and a waterfall could be a pretty good combination. From the reviews I had read, even though the Washington Trails Association lists part of the trail as medium and part of the trail as hard, most of the reviews said it was easy, so I thought no big deal. Let me preface the rest of the story by telling you, I've never really hiked before. I've only been once in California and that was with my friend who was a pro. I've never been by myself, that's for sure. I arrive and start the hike. After about half a mile, you reach the forest and a sign with the following quite:

Come forth into the light of things. Let nature be your teacher.
- W. Woodsworth

I realized it was a good reminder. When else was I going to have hours to myself. I decided that I should ponder life, relationships and the cure to cancer on my hike to the falls and back. However, what I didn't realize was that all the people that said the hike was "easy" were probably people who ran 10 miles a day and have .15% body fat. I, as you know, do not fall into this category. Life problems suddenly no longer were in my mind, but I realized this hike was going to be the equivalent of a workout class. In fact, my heart rate got just as high as cardio classes that I take a Gold's, the only difference is that after one hour, I had barely reached the Small Falls (there's small, lower, middle and upper). I hiked on and pushed through. I reached the Small Falls, yes! There was still a ways to the Middle Falls. I chatted with people along the trail and everyone had stopped at the Middle Falls because the hike to the Upper was hard they said. Oh, did I forget to mention that I started hiking at 3pm, so I was a little on a time crunch. I finally reached the Middle Falls, success!!! My thighs were burning. I was trying to take a self portrait to prove that I was there and a trio came panting up the trail. Turns out they were from Beaumont, TEXAS!!! We chatted for a minute and they continued up the trail. At that point, I decided, the heck with it, I was there, I might not have another chance to do this, I was hiking up to the Upper Falls.

I packed up my bag and was about 5 minutes behind the Texas Trio. I arrived at switchbacks, I could hear the trio but couldn't see them. Finally, I spotted them waaaaaaaay up the switchbacks, I was tempted to turn around, but I didn't. I got to the 2.5 mile marker and saw the trio head back down. I was out of breath and sweaty, I said ppppppllllllleaaaaaaaaaase tell me I'm close and it's worth it. The girl replied, "P.S. It's totally amazing and you're almost there." That was all I needed. I kept hiking and finally reached the top!!! I don't know if I was more excited to see the Upper Falls or the fact that I had conquered the hard trail. Looking back, I would definitely say it was conquering the trail. Seven hours later, I'm still on a hiker's high (I don't know if there is such a thing, but I know there's a runner's high, so I'm making it work.) I realized it was 6:00 pm and it had taken me three hours to hike up and sunset was at 7:59, so I had to boogie back down.

The descent was relatively easy, comparatively. Since I wasn't worried about my legs falling off, my mind began to wonder. Around the 1 mile marker, I reached a very important decision in my life. A very long time ago, a good friend of mine had a conversation about life direction. He said, you can either decide to be happy or you can decide to have money. Most people, not all, but most are faced with decision when picking jobs. At mile marker one, I decided and declared that I am choosing happiness in my life. I don't care if I'm dirt poor, feeling happy has got to be the best thing in the world. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, I think I've lost sight of my real self recently. I was in a rut and not happy with where that rut was taking me. I've finally broke free and I feel like a bird let out of the cage. I can do anything (like hike a hard trail!) that I want, no one or nothing can stop me. I really don't want to loose sight of this. Changes are coming in my life and I don't know what they hold, but I do know that I will be selfish and make sure I am happy first. :) The last mile out of the forest and back to the trail head, I was so excited with this revelation, that I almost ran back. Almost, I said. So friends, (interjection: I really appreciate you that read this and comment or send me texts afterwards. I know that few of you read this so I am able to free talk with you gals and truly let everything out) next time you see me, please ask me how I am doing and make sure I am sticking with my resolution. I LOVE YOU ALL!